Pump it up

Following on from last weeks purchase of some bottles for when the day comes to introduce them to May I took the plunge at the weekend to buy a pump. I pretty much always knew that I wanted to get a Medela pump, but the cost involved is not insignificant. I procrastinated and delayed the purchase numerous times. However, on Friday night I saw a Dutch website was offering a deal on the Medela Freestyle offering what I think was a big enough reduction on the pump. It was time to suck it up and buy it.

The Medela Freestyle

Panic ensued as I didn't receive any confirmation email from the ordering website before I went to bed that night. I had visions of my credit card being ripped off whilst I slept and having to explain to my husband that I had given an online company our details. All of those worries were put to rest when I woke up to not only the confirmation email, but also the tracking number of the parcel which was already on it's way to being delivered before lunchtime. I was really impressed.

Once I have more experience with the pump I will write a review about it. But for now it has been easy enough to use. Though I have to admit I've only used it as a single pump so far as it doesn't come with a handsfree top and there's no way you can hold two bottles and operate the pump with just two hands. The only other drawback I can see with it right now is sterilising the various parts. The recommendation in the manual is to boil the parts in a pot for five minutes. We have a microwave steriliser but I am too afraid to use it for the Medela given how much it cost. I can't seem to find a definitive answer as to whether the parts can be sterilised that way or not so I am playing it safe for now.

Of course my husband thinks the pump is a 'toy' which isn't exactly how I see it, but I have to admit some excitement when the package arrived and I assembled the pieces (and sterilised them!) for my first pumping session. I read that for full-time breastfeeding mums, one way to start pumping without stimulating oversupply is to pump for a short period (I read 4 minutes) on each side following a feed. I couldn't believe it when I found that I had pumped 2 ounces after just 2 minutes of pumping after May's late afternoon feed on Saturday.

At the moment I am pumping following the morning feed, especially as I often have a full side that May doesn't eat in the morning. That means I pump around 3-4 minutes for the side she did feed on, and around 8 minutes on the side that she didn't. I normally manage around 6 ounces total give or take. This is all in the hopes of building up a reserve in our freezer before I go back to work so that there is less pressure to meet particular targets in order to have enough to feed May the next day. I am freezing the milk in quantities of 3 ounce bags as I also read that it is better to freeze smaller size quantities so that you waste less milk if the baby doesn't want a full feed. We have yet to give May a bottle so I am unsure how much she drinks in a feed, perhaps that would give me a better idea of the quantities I should freeze in each bag. But for now I'm pretty happy with my two little 3 ounce bags each day.

Back to the beginning

When May was born we did skin to skin for around 2 hours before the midwife came back to measure and weigh her and put her in some clothes. It was late in the evening when we were then transferred down to our room. They wheeled the bed down the hallways and I held May in my arms and felt like I was floating on air.  

The following day the nurses helped me to latch the baby for feeds some of the time, but it was brisk and as soon as it was done they left the room. I asked for some additional support, how was supposed to know if she was drinking or not? Whilst some nurses were somewhat helpful, I was also told that I 'would feel the difference', which didn't mean much to this new mum. No one sat through a feed with me which I found a bit disheartening. The hospital also very much pushed the advice that I had to feed May for at least 15 minutes on each side for it to count as a feed. I found this quite difficult and spent a lot of time anxiously watching the clock. Those first few days I think I spent more time watching the clock during feeds than my new baby.

I had no idea that I would be able to judge some aspects of the latch by looking at my nipples after a feed. I knew that it was not supposed to hurt to feed, but I was in pain at the beginning of each feed and my left side in particular was cracked and sore. I asked the nurses about it as I was concerned but was told this was normal. May's second night in hospital she spent the whole night awake and wanting to nurse. I was exhausted, but stuck with it. I had no idea that the lipstick shape and the compression ridges on my nipples were signs of a bad latch, combined with pretty much constant feeding at night meant that by the time I checked out of hospital I was in quite a bit of pain during feeds.

When I came home I was so glad to have a visit from the midwife who had run the prenatal class myself and my husband had attended. We put the 'must breastfeed for 15 minutes each side' advice aside and focused on feeding May on demand for as long as she wanted it. I have a very strong let down and she was an efficient feeder. I don't think we have reached 15 minutes each side since we left the hospital. It was an unrealistic goal for us. I instantly felt more relaxed feeding May and was able to give her the attention that had previously been reserved for the clock. I also learnt the importance of nipple shape and got much more hope when they looked more like erasers at the end of a feed rather than lipsticks!

Whilst that should have been the beginning of a good nursing relationship, it was not to be. We were home probably less than a week when I felt what I thought was a 'tingling' sensation. Also, when May latched on the left I felt she was sucking with her upper gum which was very uncomfortable. I mentioned these to the midwife and she told me tingling was normal but any kind of burning sensation was not. Later that morning, after I fed May I realised that really it really was a burning sensation. I took a shower and afterwards did not want the towel against my skin it was so uncomfortable. A phone call to the midwife was in order and she suspected thrush.

Thrush? You can get thrush on your breasts? Who knew? It was Thursday and she recommended I try a cream after each feed. Off to the pharmacy we went and that started the first round of creams/gels. By Monday there was no improvement and by now things had progressed to a stabbing pain in the tissue which was lasting an hour between feeds, which were only 2 hours apart. It was exhausting and the worst pain I had ever experienced. My labour was 16 hours with no pain medication and it was a breeze in comparison to this. Combined with post-natal emotions it led to a lot of tears from me and I dreaded every moment May would wake up to feed. Those idyllic scenes you have in your head of nursing your baby in your rocking chair seemed like a lie. I felt like I was failing her.

By Wednesday the following week it was time to see a doctor. In my opinion family doctors are not really in the best position for these cases, they seemed quite unsure what to make of the situation. I was prescribed a once-off oral dose of medication and given an oral gel for May in case she had thrush too. So I added a regime of cream on me after each feed and having to rub what seemed like a huge quantity (when your baby is only 3 weeks old) of oral gel into May's gums and tongue. This went on for another 5 days which felt like a lifetime as I was both in chronic pain and sleep deprived. No improvement and if anything my pain got worse. Back to doctor we went. I was given a course of medication this time and was optimistic that this would clear it up. Of course I was wrong.

Measuring out the oral gel for May

More time passed and by this point three weeks had gone by of feeding, pain, medication, more pain, tears, and start again. My mid-wife found my case to be highly unusual. I had a constant phone line open with her as we talked almost every day. She recommended seeing a specialist. The only other similar case the mid-wife had come across before had turned out to be a bacterial infection (not thrush) and therefore she recommended I switch creams from anti-yeast to anti-bacterial. I had advice from a lactation consultant to get a combination cream for me that would be both anti-bacterial and fight the thrush. I saw my family doctor again who consulted a colleague whose recommendation was that I had an oversupply issue and to quit all medication and to pump after feeding.

Luckily I got an appointment with a specialist and we packed May into the car and drove as fast as we could to see if we could get some straight answers. This was to be our fourth doctors visit in a week.

At the consultation the specialist diagnosed me with multiple problems. There was never any yeast infection as far as she was concerned and it was time to quit the gels and creams. That was a small victory in itself as the regime, especially for May, had become exhausting. The specialist figured that the cracked skin had led to a bacterial infection and that an anti-bacterial cream in combination with cortisone to heal the irritation would help with the biggest issue (and deep tissue pain). That was not the whole story though. Our latch was not at all where it needed to be, May had a shallow latch, was clamping (which is why I felt like she was sucking with her gums) and was breaking the suction regularly. You could hear the clicking noise every time she broke the suction during a feed. In her diagnosis the specialist advised me to work on our latch or else the irritation would likely continue and lead to reoccurring problems. Whilst it was not as simple as fixing the latch as I had a bacterial infection, if I wanted to avoid further issues it was something we were going to need to work on. At this point May was more than 5 weeks old and we had yet to experience a pain free nursing relationship. This was to be the beginning of working towards that goal.

Breast to bottle

May is now 10 weeks old and honestly I do not know how that happened! One minute she was my small newborn and now it almost seems to me like she is a grown up child. She smiles at us, plays with her toys, follows me with her eyes when I walk across the room and is happy to see us get her out of the crib in the morning. Like a lot of babies her changing table is apparently a very exciting place to be. She now likes to stop mid-feed to smile at me which makes me melt. The advances she has made from week 5 to now are incredible. As a first time mother all of this is completely new to me so of course I'm fascinated by her growth and I am pretty insufferable.

Breastfeeding for the first 5-6 weeks of May's life was harrowing, filled with pain, tears (hers and mine), countless doctor visits and plenty of conflicting advice about what the best approach to breastfeed May was. It felt like I was in a constant cycle of dreading each feed, feeding through the pain, trying to get a good latch, dealing with frustration, tears and milk everywhere. Rinse and repeat every two hours. Before I go back to those early weeks, this post is about where we are right now at 10 weeks.

Yesterday I went and bought a two-pack of bottles. Tommee Tippee are the best-selling bottles on Amazon.co.uk and are supposedly designed for the transition from breast to bottle so that is basically how I made my choice. I have only bought two of these to start with in case May doesn't like them and I need to try a more 'traditional' type bottle or something else. I am guessing it will be a bit of trial and error to figure out what is going to work (and fingers crossed it is going to work).

May will start daycare in two months time. She will almost be ready to start some solids, but there is a gap to bridge and I would also like to breastfeed her for as long as she wants it. This popular article doing the rounds on pinterest which presents a timeline of breastfeeding estimates 5-6 breastfeeds at that age. This is where the bottles come in, as I will be going back to work which also involves a commute.

To date the advice I have been given is to introduce May to a bottle well in advance of returning to work. Also, to start thinking about pumping any surplus milk I have following a feed now to build up a supply in my freezer. Waiting until the 2 weeks before May starts daycare to give her a bottle apparently is not a good plan. If it doesn't go well there would a panic on my side about what to do about feeding her when I when I have to go back to work.

But how do I start with bottle feeding May? I am apprehensive about it as so far she has no interest and will forcefully refuse a soother (pacifier). My gut feeling is that introducing her to her new friend 'the bottle' as opposed to the breast will trigger a similar reaction. I have been told to let her Dad be the one that gives her the first bottle, to not put her in the cradle hold when feeding her a bottle, to not even be in the house when it first happens as she apparently can smell me from quite the distance! However, I have also had advice not to force the bottle on her, to let her play with it to get used to the plastic taste, to give her small amounts from the bottle at first and the rest from the breast (so in that scenario would I still be the one to give her the small bit from the bottle?). In addition I find myself having emotional feelings about not exclusively nursing her anymore. Especially as it was so difficult for us to establish a good nursing relationship in the first place.

As a result I have no idea how to include a bottle when feeding May. So on today's to-do list is to read the leaflet that came with the bottles and to start scouring the internet on advice about transitioning from breast to bottle successfully. Of course I cannot even begin to think about how to introduce bottles to May without figuring out how to get the milk in those bottles in the first place. The world of breast pumps is also a complete unknown to me. Given that I will be returning to work I am happy to invest in a double electric to save time pumping, but that can be quite an investment which means that I don't want to choose the wrong type of pump. And then I go back and forth on the question of do I really need a double pump?

Basically I have lots of questions about how to include a bottle into our lives and so far very few answers. I have plenty of time to figure this out as it will be another 2 months until May goes into daycare but I think it is important to start putting a plan in place now. We will just have to see how it goes.

Breastfeeding from the beginning

May was due on November 15th, but her Dad and I had always suspected that she would arrive on the 12th; it was just a gut feeling we shared. We were looking forward to spending the long weekend together which we believed would be our last as a pregnant couple. Our plans were to snuggle on the couch and watch movies together, grab a pizza at our favourite trattoria and play our favourite game of dreaming about what our baby would be like.

On Friday the 8th of November I had a non-stress test at the hospital which basically means they listened to May's heartbeat for an hour on a monitor and also hooked me up to see if I was having any contractions. Apparently I had two during the test, but didn't feel a thing. I brought a book to the hospital that day, Sunset Park, but didn't read a single page during the monitoring as I just couldn't stop looking at the chart and listening to May's heart rhythm; loud and strong!

After my 10am hospital visit I thought of getting some things done before the weekend, especially as the shops are so busy on Saturdays here given the restrictions on trading on Sundays. I went to H&M and bought a couple of nursing tank tops and a button up blouse in preparation of nursing May after she was born. At our local butcher I bought some ham and decided to treat us to some of their homemade burgers to cook for dinner. I knew my preparation time for Christmas was limited with a November due date so I stopped off at the little boutique card shop to get Christmas cards. I frustrated several customers as there is barely enough room for one person to bypass another in the shop and here I was with a 9 month bump and weighed down by my shopping bags. I wanted to go to the supermarket to get some milk but was feeling a bit unwell at that point and decided to rest a bit before making dinner instead. By 10pm I had to go to bed as I felt 'off'.

Saturday morning at 3am I woke up feeling a little more unwell and put it down to eating the greasy burger before bed. As I mentioned before, during the last trimester my interest in food in the evening was non-existent and I often felt ill in the evenings if I ate too much. Then I noticed that I was starting to feel sick around every 10-15 minutes. At around 4am I woke my husband up to tell him I was not feeling good at all and to check whether he was feeling any adverse burger effects. I think we both knew I was going into labour but we were in complete denial. After about an hour we realised that it wasn't the burger. I was having contractions and we began to time them, but we convinced ourselves that this was false labour. One reason we were so adamant about it being false labour is that in our hospital the OB/GYN you see throughout your pregnancy only attends your birth if it happens during the week. At the weekends you get whichever doctor is on call. It was so important to us to deliver with our doctor that we just simply did not want to be in labour. We knew that as it was a holiday weekend here in Belgium that my doctor would not arrive until Tuesday so I would definitely deliver with a doctor we probably had not even met before.

By 8am it was clear that this was no false labour, and we needed to face the reality that May had decided she wanted to meet us. I arrived at the hospital at 10am and despite my contractions being less than 5 minutes apart for almost 3 hours at that point, I was only 3cm dilated. I was gutted. My doctor had checked me at the monitoring appointment the previous morning and I was 1.5cm dilated, so really I had made very little progress at all.

We moved around and tried different positions but all I could really do was bounce on the yoga ball leaning over the bath in the room and my husband put pressure on my lower back during contractions. For those not familiar with the Belgian health system, in labour you have two choices. Have an epidural or have no pain relief at all. The prospect scared me but I did not want an epidural, so faced with an all or nothing scenario I chose nothing.

Eventually at 4pm I was finally 6-7 cm dilated and decided to move to the bath. The relief was immediate and it felt great to labour in there for an hour with the warm water soothing the pain and aches of my body. However, the urge to push was all consuming and it took far more mental strength to resist the contractions and to concentrate on not pushing than I had anticipated. My husband got me through it all with encouraging words and a wet facecloth after each contraction. I was simply not prepared for the mental aspect of giving birth and dealing with a labour where contractions came on top of each other from very early. After around an hour I decided it was a good idea to get out of the bath as it was finally time to give in to the urge to push, and at 5.55pm May was born. What had started off as slow progress went with lightening speed at the end and to be honest is mostly a blur.

The procedure at the hospital where I delivered is to weigh the baby, measure her length and dress her as soon as she was born. However we requested that we have skin to skin contact which was respected and we spent almost 2 hours with May in the delivery room, just us three together. It was the most amazing experience, I was exhausted but so elated to meet our little girl, who looked exactly like her father when she was born. We had been completely wrong about when May would arrive and instead of spending the weekend together as a couple and still pregnant, we were a little family of three by 6pm on Saturday. I could not have asked for more.

I don't know how long it was following her birth, but after some time on my chest I gave May a little help to find her way to the breast. To be honest I'm not sure what we did was right,  if she was properly latched or if she really got a real feed that first time. We bonded and I certainly tried to feed my newborn the best I could. It was magic in a lot of ways. I thought to myself that this would be easy, I would breastfeed like a pro. Unfortunately I could not have been more wrong, our breastfeeding journey was not at all simple and we faced many obstacles, which at times felt like they were insurmountable. I had been very naive about what it would be like to breastfeed my baby and the complications you can face. This was just the beginning....

Our first meal together

Eating for two - pregnancy snacking

I'm not sure anything really prepared me for pregnancy; this is certainly a life experience I think I just had to go through before I really understood what people meant about being pregnant. Before I was pregnant I could never really sympathise with how people could complain about being so tired, but my first trimester really kicked me in the arse. In the last trimester I also found that I was not prepared for the changes in my eating habits. I was hungry all day and less interested in dinner in the evening. Which led me to ponder about 'eating for two' and how to make sure that I was snacking on the right things, at least some of the time.

According to research, later in pregnancy you only need around an additional 350-450 calories a day. But it is easy when you feel so hungry all the time to go a bit overboard or make some questionable choices. This can be even worse if you have cravings for particular things like sugar or fast food. Whilst pregnant with May I wanted to make sure I ate well. Whilst I did not want to gain an obscene amount of weight, more importantly I wanted to try to make sure that my baby would get the best when it came to my diet to help her grow.

So here's some of the things that I snacked on to keep me going during the day, especially in that last trimester when all I really wanted to do was eat cake!! Having never had a sweet tooth before it was a huge adjustment to suddenly crave sugar during pregnancy. Planning ahead and having this list of alternatives kept my snacking healthy and varied (with the odd cake thrown in for good measure).

Hard boiled eggs - boil a few on Sunday and keep them in the fridge to snack on during the week
Hot chocolate - a great way to boost your calcium intake, especially in the last trimester when your baby will take the necessary calcium it needs from your body
Carrot sticks - I like to snack on these with some hummus - other might also like celery sticks, I cannot stand them
Fruit - my favourite way to make this more interesting was to make some combinations, such as apple slices with a tablespoon of peanut butter, or banana slices with nutella
Almonds - just a small handful on their own, or even better with some live (bio) yogurt or Greek yogurt and a drizzle of honey
Oatmeal - the instant packets are very handy, stick a few in your purse or your desk drawer at work, add some milk/water and you have a nice hot snack that's healthy and will keep you full
Yogurt - I already mentioned eating yogurt with some nuts like almonds, but also a great snack on it's own. Lemon Greek yogurt is one of my favourites
Muffins - just one mind you, not the whole tray! I liked to bake some healthy carrot and apple muffins at the weekend to bring to work during the week to have as a mid-morning snack. I did also indulge in some store bought ones on the way to the office
Crackers - the little packets of four crackers are also super convenient to bring with you if you are out and about. Spread a bit of cheese, nutella, jam, peanut butter or hummus on sesame crackers to keep you going in the afternoon.

Of course I did indulge in treats too, but I tried to make sure that I filled up on healthy options. Easier said than done though.....the funnier thing was that almost as soon as I delivered May, the sweet tooth disappeared and it was as though I had rid myself of all my longing for rivers of chocolate and mountains of cake through the birth process. Weird or what?

Sweets for my sweet

Something that I find strange is that I developed a bit of a sweet tooth in the first weeks of pregnancy. I wonder if it is a reaction to the fact that my beloved and best friend, cheese, was pretty much off the menu for 9 months. Now, I know that the world of hard cheese is still an option, but it is the satisfaction of stinky cheese that has been perfectly ripened oozing when you cut it open that I missed dreadfully. Living in Belgium and taking numerous trips to France during my pregnancy meant that I felt very hard done by in the cheese stakes. I counted Brie, Camembert, Reblochon, and Bleu as my personal and closest friends.

So I wonder if I replaced one vice with another, especially as Belgium is also known for chocolate. In a week I think I indulged in about a baby's weight of sweet stuff, and at the time my embryo was only the size of a pea! If it has sugar, I have eaten it. It started with a longing for some Scottish shortbread and grew to include my Mum's christmas brack. I then moved on to chocolate, which meant devouring our precious supply of Cadbury chocolate (just in case the cadbury caramel wasn't enough, they make a mini cake version too which is heavenly) as well as enough Belgian mini eggs with various fillings to feed a small village of chocolate lovers. In the mornings I indulged in beautiful fresh flaky pastry of frangipane from our local bakery. In case all of that wasn't enough, I got the food processor going to grate enough carrots for an 8 inch square carrot cake on a regular basis. And don't forget the cream cheese frosting!

As I have now given up Belgian cheese and beer, I figure the sweet tooth won't kill me. Abstaining from two out of three ain't bad.

8" Carrot Cake

Ingredients

1 1/4 cup of plain flour
1 cup of sugar (I use a half and half mix of light brown and dark brown sugar)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon sea salt
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1 teaspoon of nutmeg
3/4 cup of vegetable oil
2 eggs
1-2 cups of grated carrot (I never use an exact quantity)
1 grated apple
1 cup of chopped walnuts
1/2 cup of raisins

Method

1- Preheat the oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit or 160 degrees Celsius.
2- Blend flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, oil and eggs together.
3- Stir in grated carrot, apple, chopped nuts and raisins.
4- Line an 8" square cake pan with baking paper.
5- Pour your cake batter into the cake pan and make sure it is distributed evenly.
6- Bake in the pre-heated oven for 45 minutes until you get a clean toothpick when you check the middle.

I still have not found the perfect recipe for frosting this cake, I'll have to keep making the cake to try out various options!