I think I googled every article about thrush when I was struggling to breastfeed May in those early weeks. I had no idea that it existed, what the symptoms were and how to treat it. It looked like a pretty classic case, I had a burning sensation that began towards the end of a feed rather than pain at the beginning. The burning continued after the feed. The sensation of clothes or towels against the skin was deeply uncomfortable. My skin was red and raw. I had a crack on my left side. When it first started it was more on the side of being uncomfortable, that's the best way I can describe it. Being new to breastfeeding I didn't even know that how I felt was not normal. My midwife and I spoke about it and we decided to try Daktarin cream after each feed to see if that would clear it. Sugar and anything with yeast (such as bread) was also eliminated from my diet in an effort to combat it too. It appeared to be cut and dry, a yeast infection.
Four days passed with little improvement. I began to imagine that perhaps things were getting better only to find as the day wore on and the nights approached I was in increasing pain. By the middle of the following week the pain had now spread as a deep tissue pain in the breast. To describe that pain is very difficult, it is not like anything I have ever experienced. It was like a stabbing sensation and felt like it needed counter pressure when it would come on which was straight after a feed and last on and off for at least an hour. With May feeding every two hours it was a constant cycle of feeding, applying cream, pain and my tears. A week following the onset of symptoms I went to my family doctor to receive a prescription for fluconazole, an oral medication to combat thrush. I have a lot of faith in my family doctor, but when it came to breastfeeding I think the knowledge was limited. May came with me to this visit which involved quite some logistics to time feeds and get her out of the house at less than 3 weeks old. An examination of her milky tongue caused some concern and so the decision was made to also treat her with miconazole gel after each daytime feed. Though she had no other symptoms and was not having any other significant issues. A single large dose of flucanazole was prescribed for me alongside continuation of the cream.
May was such a tiny baby at that time. Therefore it was vital that the gel given to her was applied in very small parts so she would not choke on it. This meant rubbing small amounts onto her gums and tongue. Adding this routine to our feeds involved time and frustration for both her and me. Days passed and instead of seeing improvement in my pain it worsened. A return visit to the doctor was in order to receive a course of treatment of the fluconazole. May was once again bundled up and off we went to the practice. I was given a course of 10 days of drugs.
When three weeks of symptoms and pain had gone by I was starting to feel desperate. My feeding relationship with May was nothing like I had expected. With each feed that passed I would dread the next one. I would just begin to feel the pain subside when I would hear her looking for me and my heart would fill with dread. Those special bonding moments over a feed were nowhere to be found and I started to seriously doubt my energy to continue breastfeeding her. I found the nights particularly difficult when I could not fall back asleep following a feed because of the pain I was in. However, nursing May was something that I felt could improve if we could just find the solution to my pain and the support from my mid-wife was invaluable. She reassured me that we would find the answer and that things would get better. Whilst I felt like I was failing as a mother, my mid-wife told me I was brave and strong. With no improvements following almost three weeks of treatment it was time to consider that my classic case of thrush was not actually thrush. If it had not been for my mid-wife I would have never got to the bottom of my problems with feeding May and may have given up breastfeeding. Another trip to my family doctor resulted in an opinion from his female colleague that I was overproducing and needed to pump following a feed and to discontinue all medication. There were strong indications this was certainly not my problem. It was time to see a specialist.
It was the specialist that confirmed my mid-wife's suspicions that I was suffering from a bacterial infection rather than a yeast infection. May was examined and it was suspected that she never suffered from an infection at all. There was a huge sigh of relief that I could discontinue the oral treatment of May which had been taking place after each feed for almost two weeks at that point. A combination cortisone and anti-bacterial cream was prescribed for me. I should have felt on cloud nine, but to be honest that was the fourth doctor visit I had that week and at that point I just felt that it was another opinion on what was causing my problems without me knowing that this would be the solution that would work.
The cream was only to be used for five days following each feed and slowly but surely things started to improve. The raw redness began to heal, the deep pain was starting to subside. The light at the end of the tunnel began to shine. Those three weeks of constant pain, which became so unbearable, were probably some of the worst weeks of my life. After a pain-medication free birth I thought I was prepared for anything, but I can now safely say that childbirth is not the worst physical pain I have experienced. Emotionally it was also difficult. I still struggle with the thoughts that I let May down by being reluctant to nurse her, especially when she was looking to comfort nurse. She was such a tiny baby and needed me. I remember the positives though, that we stuck together through our difficult nursing relationship and that now, three months in, we are bonding more than ever before as she smiles up at me from a feed. I am so grateful to my mid-wife for the support she gave me to believe that it would get better and that we would find the solution. A cut and dried case of a yeast infection was not so clear after all and I have learnt that many things can easily disguise themselves as being thrush.
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